The other day I started craving Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. And Star Crunches. and Oatmeal Pies. Not one. The whole box - one of each - to myself. Just a little homesickness, I guess. Unable to get my hands on any of those, I broke into our chocolate chip stash and made a batch of cookies - I try to keep the chocolate chips for when Jon and Abby are home for their breaks.
David has been putting our home movies on DVD - some old ones and some from this last Stateside. He and the kids love to watch those, but they make me too nostalgic. Every Stateside we go on a family skiing trip with David's parents and sister and her husband. It is so much fun. David's dad turns 75 this year and still goes skiing every year. If I ever feel like we are sacrificing by being out here, it is that we miss that opportunity every year.
However, one verse that has meant a lot to me through the years - in reference to being on the field and also to just everyday life - is Psalm 16:5-9
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant place; surely I have a delightful inheritance....
That is just a little of home life for you.
On a completely different note, I so don't understand God. I am really ok with that because I fully understand that I have a finite mind that could never comprehend the mind of God. I don't need to understand God, His every intention and plan. I think that simplifies things for me and I often feel sorry for those who need to understand every little intricacy. I am mostly okay with my lack of intelligence. And one of my favorite quotes is by Brennan Manning: An understood God is no God at all.
However, I have returned to Genesis in my daily Bible reading and just stay baffled. If you think that sex is a new issue of sin in the world or that it is at an all time high, you don't know much about human nature. Every time we read the Bible God points out a different facet of His word. And every time He does that I think, "Where was I the last time I read this?" This time what I see is that there is a lot of sex in the Bible, especially in the early generations. And I don't understand what was accepted as normal. I question, "Was that okay then or was it sin? Were the sad events that followed a direct result of that sin or simply part of God's plan?" God does not choose to explain a lot of these issues.
I have not yet discerned if God is trying to teach me something with these observations or simply opening up a new aspect of the Bible. I do know that because we have shaped our view of God through the lens of the new covenant of Christ we often have a difficult time understand the Old Testament. Sometimes I just have to accept that limitation and move on.
This entry has had little to nothing to do with our missionary life or ministry and simply is waxing eloquent (eloquent may be an overstatement but I love that phrase for when I get a little long winded). Welcome to my inner world. But I want to encourage you to be okay with not understanding. The need to make sense of everything can be a major stumbling block in the Christian walk. We want to understand why God allows us to struggle financially, to give us a child with physical or mental struggles, to allow a good person to die, to only bring salvation through those who are willing to speak up. We can stumble over the strange events in the Bible and why God doesn't explain His intentions.
This is my take: God is God. Who am I to question Him? I am not the greatest, the smartest, the one most capable of judging fairness. I do not decide what I need or what my purpose is in life. I have to trust that to my Holy Father who is the Only God.
So try to let go of understanding every little thing without letting go of caring. It is a fine line. Care a lot. And let God be God - that phrase will never become trite. Neither will this one: There is only one God and I am not Him.
Blessings.
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